she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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