I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Randomize
