I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Success! We fucked roommates!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
