My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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