I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
