my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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