He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
