Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
