we're blogging at a bar
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
