I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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