He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize