The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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