I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
