Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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