so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
