Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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