I met the friendliest cop last night
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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