if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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