I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
