I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
