i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
