you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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