I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
