Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize