he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
