this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I will pee on everything he values.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
