I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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