peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
