Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
