I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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