Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I AM VODKA MAN
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
