She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
