time to smoke my breakfast
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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