FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
