my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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