i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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