I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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