Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
