I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
