I faked an abortion last night.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Shame - the story of my life.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
