8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
