i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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