we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
