im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
