dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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