wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
