i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
