my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
