New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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