I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
