im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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