12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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