you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
