True but thats because hes a fetus.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
