we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
