Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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