You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I want to have your abortion
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
