Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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