I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
