I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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