Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
