just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
