I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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