My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
