well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
