she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
