Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
