I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
