Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
