I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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